More than just a Harry Potter fansite.
 
HomeRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 The Awful Jokes Thread

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
ClarionGlass
Five Hundred Posts
Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 502
Reputation : 39
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Clarion Glass
Unique Trait: Coffee dependancy
Level:
5/8  (5/8)

PostSubject: The Awful Jokes Thread   Fri Oct 10, 2014 12:49 pm

A place for truly dreadful jokes and puns. Y'know, the ones that are so bad that the fun is telling them and watching people groan, rather than in the joke itself.
E.g.:

How is toilet paper like the USS Enterprise?
Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Fri Oct 10, 2014 6:39 pm

Why did the golfer wear his old trousers?

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:43 am

A lion, a hawk and a skunk are arguing over who is the greatest animal.
The lion claims that he is, because of his teeth and claws.
The hawk claims that he is, because of his beak and talons.
The skunk claims that he is, because of his powerful stink.
Suddenly, a dinosaur appears and eats them all; hawk, lion, and stinker.
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:24 pm

*Drives past graveyard*
"That's the dead centre of town. Everyone is dying to get in"
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:11 pm

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Back to top Go down
ClarionGlass
Five Hundred Posts
Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 502
Reputation : 39
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Clarion Glass
Unique Trait: Coffee dependancy
Level:
5/8  (5/8)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sat Oct 18, 2014 5:25 pm

A couple of bad music ones:

Why did Bach have so many children?
Spoiler:
 

Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
Audience: *cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
((c) tumblr)

And the famous tumblr band post:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Back to top Go down
HelgaHufflepuff
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 457
Reputation : 36
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Sera(phina) Warford
Unique Trait: Half Dragon, Half Human
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sat Oct 18, 2014 11:21 pm

(I know I've told a lot of you this one already, but...)

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow.

Spoiler:
 

And another one just because:

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:14 pm

What if Zelda was a girl?
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sun Oct 26, 2014 11:23 pm

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:14 pm

What do you call a snobbish scam artist walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:21 am

"What's best for a hangover?"
Drinking heavily the night before
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:27 pm

This one is kinda rude:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sun Nov 02, 2014 11:02 pm

I don't get this joke at all...but its a dad joke, therefore has to be bad Razz

Two gay guys are looking out at the ocean. The first gay guy asks "What's that big boat out in the distance?"
"That's a ferry boat," the other gay guy says.
The first gay guy looks surprised and smiles and says, "I knew we were popular but I didn't know we had our own navy!"
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:51 pm

... I don't get it. Razz

"I sold my vaccum cleaner the other day, because all it was doing was collecting dust."
Back to top Go down
timepatches
Five Hundred Posts
Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 625
Reputation : 42
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Violette
Unique Trait: Horse caller
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:15 pm

henrypi wrote:
I don't get this joke at all...but its a dad joke, therefore has to be bad Razz

Two gay guys are looking out at the ocean. The first gay guy asks "What's that big boat out in the distance?"
"That's a ferry boat," the other gay guy says.
The first gay guy looks surprised and smiles and says, "I knew we were popular but I didn't know we had our own navy!"

*holds up hand enthusiastically*
I got it! I got it!
Say 'ferry' out loud.
Now say it in a kind of Welsh accent, so that the 'e' sound changes into a sort of 'ai' sound.

Now you should get the joke.

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:16 pm

Well...that's definitely a dad joke then.
And an awful one at that Razz
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Thu Nov 06, 2014 8:38 pm

A man is desperate to win the lottery. So one night he prays to God and asks to win the next day's lottery.
He doesn't.
So the next night, he prays again and asks to win the next day's lottery.
He doesn't.
So on the third night, he prays again and asks to win the next day's lottery.
Suddenly, God speaks to him, and says "Meet me half way on this and buy a ticket!"
Back to top Go down
chochang
Seven Hundred and Fifty Posts
Seven Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 859
Reputation : 13
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: The phoenix
Unique Trait: Phoenix
Level:
0/0  (0/0)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Thu Nov 13, 2014 8:46 pm

How many clarinet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:50 pm

Why did Polly put the kettle on?

Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sat Nov 22, 2014 12:06 am

How many impulsive liars does it take to screw in a lightbulb.


Spoiler:
 
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:48 am

For Hulk:

I drew my gun. The guy in front of me drew his gun. Then I drew my other gun, and soon we were surrounded by some lovely drawings of guns.


A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After eating he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, "HEY YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!!" The panda turns around and yells "Yes I can. Look me up in the encyclopedia!" So, the bartender looks up "Panda" in the encyclopedia, and it reads "Panda: increasingly rare species of bear that can be found in the eastern part of Asia. It eats shoots and leaves.
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Dec 08, 2014 2:48 pm

Why did Mozart sell all of his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they said "Bach Bach Bach!"
Back to top Go down
henrypi
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 355
Reputation : 32
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Amanda
Unique Trait: Muggle
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Wed Dec 10, 2014 12:51 am

If you've got a haunted house and don't keep up the mortgage payments, do you get re-possessed?
Back to top Go down
IncredibleHulk
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
One Thousand Five Hundred Posts
avatar

Posts : 1636
Reputation : 46
Rank image : Admiral

Character sheet
Name: Trek
Unique Trait: Cyborg
Level:
12/12  (12/12)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Mon Dec 29, 2014 5:51 pm

Person 1: It's Nerf or nothing!
Person 2: I've had e-Nerf of Nerf.
(enough, e-nerf)
Back to top Go down
HelgaHufflepuff
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
Two Hundred and Fifty Posts
avatar

Posts : 457
Reputation : 36
Rank image : Captain

Character sheet
Name: Sera(phina) Warford
Unique Trait: Half Dragon, Half Human
Level:
10/11  (10/11)

PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   Sun Feb 08, 2015 11:27 pm

I found this one on Reddit (I'm on there far too much), and decided to put it on here since I got a few laughs out of it. Razz

---
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"
"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."
"That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."
"Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and sh*t right in me eye!"
"Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?"
"Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
---
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The Awful Jokes Thread   

Back to top Go down
 
The Awful Jokes Thread
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Forbidden Forest :: General :: Jokes-
Jump to: